For many years I struggled with this idea that negative feelings are "normal" and "good for me" and "productive". I would spend hours and days and months thinking that I was simply living my life the way it was supposed to be. I would wake-up, feel anything but unique and beautiful and powerful and happy and I would start my day by complaining about my miserable life to other people who shared my view that "life is always hard and boring."
No, I didn't come close to death, nor did I experience a bad car crash who exposed me to life's true meaning. But one day I woke-up and suddenly noticed that I was feeling good! There was no precise reason. I hadn't won the lottery, nobody had sent me flowers, the weather wasn't particularly nice. I couldn't think of ONE REASON why I was happy but I was! It was a weird feeling and I almost felt like a fish out of water. As I was sipping my coffee (which by the way felt like it was incredibly delicious although it was the same coffee I would have each day for years) I couldn’t help but wonder: How could I ring my friend and be all bubbly and joyful? How could I say "good morning" to a stranger sitting next to me in the bus when all my life I thought that that was cynical? I started comparing the feelings and thoughts I had in the past with all the feelings and thoughts I had at that specific day. I felt powerful not weak...I felt 100% sure that what I was experiencing was REAL.
And then it hit me: Your Powerful Self can only have positive feelings! More specifically, negativity does not exist anywhere else but in your own mind – in your own perception of things! Something can be objectively bad or in other words – I like to put it that way – something you did not expected. For example a car crash, tomato juice all over your white shirt, a disease, or something commonly referred to as an “Act of God” (an earthquake, a tornado, a tsunami). But who says you should be worried? Who says that your whole self should be redefined because of that?
There is positivity in everything you classify as negative. How do you feel there is such positivity if all you can see is mere destruction? The answer might seem confusing at first but if you really take the time to think about it you will realize it is more than reasonable to base your understanding on the following statement: You know you can find positivity in something that appears initially negative because deep down you know that positivity is all truth there is and ever will be! You were born with inner peace, serenity, freedom and contentment. You were never meant to be frightened, depressed or mean. As simple as that.
You can run away from positivity but your resentment will remind you each and every second of your life that something is wrong. That is because the Weak Self never finds peace. The way to understand this fact is to start thinking of negativity as simply the lack of positivity; something is negative only because you react with fear. In other words you get trapped in a life of sorrow because you truly believe that thought of fear and you feel it is so real you deserve a suffering experience.
Linked to this idea of “false negativity” is another common misconception; the one that people and things must be categorized in order to make sense. Something is either something you like or something you dislike. It is either positive because you like it or negative because you do not like it. He is nice, therefore you attach on him the “positive” label. She is bad-tempered, therefore she is scared with the “negative” label for life.
It does not work like that! Sorry to break the “negative” news to you but you can actually do, like or even passionately admire all things superficial or “objectively bad” and still be the most wise, happy and balanced person. You can enjoy watching Lady Gaga perform almost naked and still be as elegant and classy as Audrey Hepburn, You can observe with interest a murderer’s ability to stay calm while entering into a non-guilty plea at his trial and you can admire a prostitute’s confidence while greeting a client. There are no rules in loving the “positive”. Why put people in certain categories? Why put a “YES” or “NO” on their forehead? Why take a clear-cut decision on what a person is like? Imagine how easier it would make your life if you were to start thinking that nothing is as bad as it seems. Nothing can panic you, nothing can break you down, nothing can hurt you unless you call it bad. The result? "Dazzling" my shiny diamond!
Similarly, why make a formal decision about what life is all about? It’s perfectly fine to admit that life is not a “black or white” journey. Sometimes it will be almost blinding white, sometimes it will be grey and sometimes it will be as dark as it can be. It is not until you realize that what keeps you unhappy is your own false perception of life – that things and people must be put into certain categories - that your very own existence will start to flourish. Your choice to imprison yourself into liking and accepting certain things, people and situations can only harm you and – not surprisingly – all the others around you. Break your walls of “I can’t” and “I tried but I have failed” and choose happiness instead of sorrow TODAY. Nothing is impossible and nothing is as hard as you think!
Love and marvel,
E.
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